Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
