I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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