OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
COCAINE IS GR8
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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