a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish I only lived at night.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...