DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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