So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.