You work out of a Hotel?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.