She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.