I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
