I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.