dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
