Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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