What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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