im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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