I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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