Jerry, you need to find god
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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