What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
