so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
