he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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