My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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