If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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