The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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