my soul wont recognize me after tonight
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
