I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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