he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
