but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
do herpes really smell.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
