dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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