my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
