I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
