I bet he comes in French.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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