Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
