I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
