so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
In America we eat man semen.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
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She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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