fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
