he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
