im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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