i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
