You made me cry and you don't even care
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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