i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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