Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
