Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
