I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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