I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
