it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She's not a foreskin expert like you
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