Betty ford says i'm here all night
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
