When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
