Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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