How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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