it hurts more in the daytime
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
