I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
