My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize