i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
