one word: firstdatebathroomanal
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
