wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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