you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
