We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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