I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
