i'm signing you up for texting rehab
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
