if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
