i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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