found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
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My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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