The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize