Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
