The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
