Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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