All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
