Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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