first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
