Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
