The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
