i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
