Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
