a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
