PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
