goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
