i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
