I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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