living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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