Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
