Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
