It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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