JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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