I heard we made out
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
