i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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