Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
