I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
